THE RULES OF CHURCHISM

• Go potty every chance you get.
• Stay out of the sun.
• Avoid making promises.
• Never give undeserved gifts or praise.
• Beware of undeserved gifts or praise.
• Winning an argument may lose a friend.
• Never argue if you have nothing to gain.
• If you must do battle, fight with someone else's troops.
• Nothing is what it seems to be, and nothing turns out as expected.
• It's easier to change a plan than to have no plan.
• People don't change, they get older.
• Nobody can predict the future.
• What's here today is gone tomorrow, but nothing really changes.
• Don't say what you don't want repeated.
• An erect penis has no conscience.
• Never loan what you can't do without.
• Never borrow what you can't pay for.
• Have a check list and follow it.
• Never dive in water below 80 degrees F.
• Always pee in your dive suit. (There's no such thing as a dry suit.)
• A fish moves faster than a camera shutter.
• Don't piss off the golden goose.
• There's no problem you can hide from.
• Imaginative minds can always find a new problem or complaint.
• Rules are made to be wondered about.
• When asking a group to assemble, no time is a good time.
• There's no such thing as a water-proof camera, strobe or housing.
• If you were smart enough to hide your stupidity, you wouldn't have to.
• The reason you dive is to get away from meaningless conversation.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• If you can't have a good time, be a good time.
• If someone else will do a dirty job, let them.
• Don't ask for it -- you just might get it.
• Whatever lens you choose, it won't fit your subject.
• Always hang your dripping wetsuit over someone else's locker.
• Don't shoot in the ocean what you can shoot in a pool.
• "Good enough" depends on whether your position resembles William Tell's or that of his son.
• Never fart if you are the first person to take a seat in first class.
• Heed George Washington's advice: avoid entangling alliances.
• Avoid diving in Russian submarines unless you have a pony bottle.
• No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
• A person who is nice to you, but is rude to the waiter, isn't a nice person.
• Trust everyone, but cut the cards.
• If at first you don't succeed, try viagra.
• Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
• Work is good, but it's not that important.
• Be nice to your friends. You never know when you will need them to empty your bedpan.
• Nap whenever possible.
• It's better to have something and not need it, than to need something and not have it.
• Famous last words: "Oh, don't worry about that; it'll never happen."
• When all is said and done, much more will have been said than done.
• If you can't take good photos, go to Church and pray.
• Establish the location and supply of TP before the need arises
• Another person's lack of preparation or reading of directions isn't your immediate emergency.
• To start endless conversations, ask any group about o-ring grease.
• Exercise daily, and you will live five months longer--in a $5,000 a month nursing home.

Jim Church
www.jimchurchphoto.com
Live-aboard Underwater Photo Courses